Feeling worthy can be difficult for many of us. At face value some of us may say we are worthy of love and appreciation yet when someone gives us a compliment or is kind to us, it is difficult to accept. Another way we may show that we don’t feel worthy is when life is going well, we look for the other “shoe to drop”. A third way is when something works out for us and we look for “the catch”. When we look for trouble we are sure to find it.
If feeling unworthy is part of the foundation upon which you base your self talk it can really be stealing your joy. I feel confident in assuring you that it is possible to be happy with your good fortune without looking for something to be wrong. You are worthy of a good life where you are treated kindly with dignity and respect. Please don’t accept any less.
As you change your your self talk to a more optimistic view, you will enhance your feeling of worthiness. When someone is kind to you, try to appreciate the feeling and really feel it. You may have the urge to discount what is happening or change the subject because these feelings can be unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
| Pessimistic | Optimistic |
| She is just saying she likes my new haircut to be nice. She doesn’t really like it. | It is nice for her to say kind things to me. I appreciate it when people are kind to me and others. |
| He is just nice to me because he is going to ask me to do something for him later. | I appreciate nice people and I deserve to be treated kindly. If he asks you for a favor later you can decide if it is something that you would feel good doing for him. You always have the right to say no. |
| I only got the good parking spot because it is too early for most people to be at the store. | It may be early but I usually am pretty lucky to find the right parking spot. Sometimes I get to walk further which is good for my health. |
I understand this optimistic self talk can feel very uncomfortable especially if you grew up in dysfunction but you are as worthy as any other regardless of the stories you family told you as a young person.
Remind yourself regularly that you are lovable, worthy and valuable. If you don’t wholly believe that start with your closest loved one. Think of how s/he is loveable, worthy and valuable. If s/he is with all of their human foibles, then you must be, too. Eventually, you can see how you are lovable, worthy and valuable, too.
By changing your thoughts and behaviors, you can start really believing that you are lovable, worthy and valuable.