Many of us are trying to change our old ways of being to find more peace and joy in our lives. New lifestyles take practice, experience and repetition. After all, we have been practicing our old ways of being for quite a while so it stands to reason that it will take practice to make empowering behaviors natural.
Emotions are one of those great tools that can help us clue into thoughts that are not serving us. One challenge with that is that we get caught up in the emotion and miss the opportunity to change our perspective.
When you notice you are experiencing emotions, be it anxiety, fear, grief, et. cetera, that prevent you from thinking calmly, follow the steps below.
- Feel the emotion. Accept that this is the emotion that you are experiencing and feel it all the way through. It will stop if you disengage from the thoughts you are having and just feel. Remember, probably as a kid, when you laughed so hard that all sound stopped and you could barely catch your breath. You probably didn’t resist the wonderful feeling and it eventually stopped. The same is true for the ugly cries. Just cry until you are done. When I have allowed myself to cry without resistance, the tears lasted for only a short time.
- Soothe yourself. Can you think of a time where you felt soothed? It could have been a hot bath, a hug from a loved one, deep breathing, running, playing Candy Crush, or something else. If you are not able to recall things that soothe you while reading this email, imagine how hard it will be when you are in need of some soothing. Consider creating a list of about five to ten things to do to find relief. If you don’t know what soothes you, begin experimenting. What helps you feel loved and calm? It is kind of like a fire drill, you practice how to get out of the burning building so when you are stressed you know what to do. Practice your soothers and have a list ready to remind you if you need it.
- Reevaluate your thoughts. After you are feeling better and more calm consider if the emotion was equal to the situation. If it wasn’t, can you consider different perspectives to feel more empowered? If it was, are these emotions getting in your way? Remember, the emotions come from the story you tell yourself. Would you feel better if the story were different? I am not suggesting that you lie to yourself, I am challenging you to see if you can find the positive in the situation? The evening news has a beautiful way of illuminating the downside of the story. I remember this winter, a friend shared that the news was reporting 45 accidents during the commute home in the winter storm. The story was just as accurate to report that over 50,000 people were making it home safe. Even better to add an encouraging comment to keep up the good work driving safe. Why do we illuminate what we don’t want instead of focusing on what is going right?
See how this process helps you. Share it with a friend or loved one. The more of us that are feeling good the better things are for everyone.