We all need others to support us. Sometimes, that “support” comes in the form of advice on what to do. “If Suzie would only do what I think she should do, she would be much better off”, said Grandma. When Suzie doesn’t follow Grandma’s advice and is still suffering, Grandma gets frustrated. Grandma is well meaning, wanting only the best for Suzie. The message Grandma is sending is that Suzie can’t solve her own problems and needs someone else to fix things for her. We learn best through trial and error. However, that can be painful to watch.Think about all the math problems your teachers gave you over the years.
If we could learn from books or other people’s stories doctors wouldn’t need residency programs, pilots wouldn’t need time flying the plane before they fly commercial flights and possibly scarier still, people would not need to practice driving the car before they are given a driver’s license.
When we give advice, it may feel like we are for the person to feel better but from her/his perspective, it may feel like we are against them.
When we are for them we provide words of encouragement and acts of love. We listen to them, without judgement, if they want to talk through the situation. We root them on. We offer help when asked.
Think of a time where you really felt supported by someone. Did they tell you that you could do it? Did they ask how they could help? What are some of the things that really felt loving? The neatest part of supporting others is how it makes us feel. It always feel great to give unconditional love. We get to be loving then celebrate when they make it through their journey.
This is so true, I think of the times I gave advise to my Children in a more “you better listen and do what I say” matter of fact way. When they became adults I had to listen and stop and wait or ask how I could help them. That was very hard to do, but I always have this saying in my mind, “I’m not in control any more they are”, and they need to learn. I already learned. I practice this with my friends and siblings too. They still try to direct me, especially my oldest Brother so every now and then I have to snap him, lovingly, to remember whose in charge here. Lol.
Love it! It can be so great to watch others shine even if they fall first.