The only way through something is through it. When we try to avoid addressing situations, especially difficult ones, they tend to come back allowing us the gift of the experience. When it comes to emotions it seems that when we focus on them, they become bigger. For instance, if I am worried about a big talk coming up, my fear seems to increase. If instead, I think about how excited I am to have the speaking opportunity, my anticipation builds. What we often do is focus on, or in many instances fight, emotions that don’t feel good. In other words we fight going through the emotion. This fight tends to increase the feeling; not what we really want. We want the hurt to go away. It may be counter-intuitive but accepting feelings allows them to pass more quickly through us. Think of laughing, we often embrace laughter and it runs it’s course. Now think of the last time you cried, did you try to push it away and stop crying? What happens when you let the emotion run it’s course?
Perhaps another counter-intuitive thought, what if you “talk up” positive feelings? It this notion is true it will make the positive feelings increase. In the book, Hardwiring Happiness, Rick Hanson writes about this specific notion. He explains when we savor our positive moments they stay with us longer, actually changing the neural connections in our brain. Thus, Hardwiring Happiness.
The next time you experience emotions, see if you can gain more control through acceptance.