It would sure be great if we didn’t have to struggle with anything, or would it? Everything doesn’t go our way all the time. There are situations that challenge us to accept what is and move forward in a way that represents our best self. When we find that things are not working out as we planned, how do we react? Perhaps our emotions present as anger, fear, pain, indignation, denial, and so on. The following steps can help us move from discomfort to empowerment.
ONE: Notice your emotions
How are you feeling about the situation?
Angry, embarrassed, hurt
TWO: Identify the source of the emotional discomfort
Can you identify what is bothering you? Sometimes this is easy but other times you may be feeling poorly yet unable to identify the source. Give it some time. It make take a bit to discover the source.
Jimmy’s behavior. Jimmy was so disrespectful and mislead me. He told me he would meet me at the restaurant at 6 o’clock. When I arrived, he told me to go ahead and order and that he would be there soon. Jimmy never arrived. I was stuck with two dinners and the bill. When I called him to find out where he was, he just kept texting back that he would be right there. Eventually, I stopped calling. I was angry, embarrassed, hurt, and frustrated.
THREE: Accept that the situation is happening/ has happened
It is what it is
I needed to accept that Jimmy stood me up, I had a bill for two dinners, one dinner (I ate mine, it was delicious) and telling myself that people in the restaurant must think there was something wrong with me if no one showed up to meet me for dinner.
FOUR: Decide how you will approach the situation
What are your options? What options best align with your moral and values? Are you taking the high road?
It was clear that Jimmy was not interested in showing up to dinner because he kept putting me off. I could; 1. Yell and him, after all, my anger is justified, right? If I follow that path I will just end up feeling anger which doesn’t do anything to Jimmy. Or 2. Accept that Jimmy not showing up is a reflection of his poor behavior not mine. If I follow that path, I feel better. I can forgive Jimmy for not coming which will make me feel better.
FIVE: Enact your approach
Do it!
I tell myself that Jimmy behavior is not a reflection upon me. If he can’t be honest and upfront about not showing up, that tells me that he may not be honest or upfront about other things. His behavior also indicates that I can not trust him to do what he says he is going to do. Further, I will not contact Jimmy. If he tries to contact me, I can voice my disappointment and not make future plans with him.I will also forgive Jimmy’s poor behavior so I don’t keep thinking about it. In essence, this is just letting the thoughts about the situation release from my brain. I don’t want to spend any more energy thinking about the situation. It does not make me feel good.
Evaluate your approach
Did you like how you handled the situation? Did it reflect your best self? Are you proud to tell others about your behavior?
I feel good about my decision to forgive Jimmy and not put myself in a position to be stood up again. I value and respect myself and my time. I don’t deserve others treating me poorly. If I don’t stand up for myself it will teach others that they don’t have to treat me with respect. I feel good about releasing my feelings of anger and disappointment about Jimmy’s behavior. I am also proud that I don’t talk about Jimmy’s poor behavior to others. I feel so good about my actions and am proud I handled the situation with dignity and respect.
Please feel free to use this template when working through some of your struggles.