Are your thoughts helping or hindering you?

We often have conversations with ourselves on various topics. Optimistic people tend to have more positive conversations whereas pessimists tend to have conversations that are more negative in nature. Although there is some advantage to having a pessimistic perspective when you are making decisions about high risk situations overall optimism helps people be more resilient and happier. (Learned Optimism by Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD). Changing the conversations to happier, more empowering topics may help increase your optimism and general happiness.

Start to notice the conversations you are having with yourself. How do they make you feel? Your emotions will let you know. If you feel bad, angry, uncomfortable, frustrated,  et cetera, this line of thought  is not helping you. On the other hand, if you feel good, happy, excited, energetic, then this will help support you emotionally and arguably physically and spiritually, too. If your thoughts tend to be on the positive side, great for you! That is fantastic. You are not only helping yourself but others appreciate your optimism. Even if they don’t, you don’t pay attention to it. You still remain an example of an optimistic person. If your thoughts tend to bring you down, you have the power to change them!

How to change your thoughts. . . .

When you notice you are feeling poorly as a result of your thoughts, acknowledge what you are thinking then either dispute it or focus on something that empowers you. Again, your feelings will let you know. For example, if I am thinking that my friend didn’t call me back, she must be mad at me, she can be so judgmental, she has her phone with her all the time, she could at least text me, and so on. You can refute it, she did not call back because she could be busy, her husband has been out of town so she might be working later. If that does help you feel better then try to gently move to a different topic. You can tell yourself, “It makes me upset to think that way so I will let that thought go until I can talk with my friend”. Instead, think about what makes you proud. It could be your ability to find a bargain in any store, how kind you are to people in the community, how you have a nice way of mediating disputes between your children. Anything that makes you feel empowered. Try it! See if you notice a difference.