You may have a right to judge but see what happens when you don’t.

Some of the most difficult times in our lives can be the most rewarding in terms of lessons and experiences. If we judge them as bad, we may miss the lessons/experiences within.  A break up with a significant other can be painful. When we are hurting we benefit from allowing ourselves to feel the emotional pain and grieve the loss of the relationship that once was. We can do this without judging the situation as good or bad. The separation allows opportunity to explore other areas of our lives and help us know better what we want in a relationship. It can also be a time of reflection on our behaviors that contributed to the dysfunction and ultimate dissolution of the relationship. Perhaps the two of you just grew apart. By not labeling the situation good or bad, we honor ourselves and the other by not becoming a victim, or blaming, or any of those other behaviors that do not serve us well.

It is not uncommon to reflect upon situations that seemed difficult at the time but allowed for more growth and development in the long run. For me, I experienced a layoff in my mid-twenties. I had never lost a job and was very nervous about all the things you can imagine when it comes to a job loss. Although it was a difficult time in my life it lead to graduate school, a reinforced resilience, and a confidence that I draw upon still today.

When things happen in your life, experiment with suspending judgement. Allow yourself to grieve if it is appropriate. Examine, explore, discover what this event brings next. For another example of suspending judgement, click here for an eloquent writing by Eckhart Tolle.