Humans are uniquely special creatures. We are able to navigate our world in amazing ways, we send people into space and back safely, we create beautiful art in a myriad of forms, we develop loving communities where people work together to feed, clothe, play and support one another. We are also capable of very unkind actions against ourselves and others. One behavior humans practice is expecting ourselves and others to behave in specific ways and when the behaviors do not match the expectation, judgement usually follows. We mentally shame ourselves for not being perfect, not being better at a particular skill, not being something other than who we are. This expectation/shame cycle is not reserved for ourselves, we do it to others, as well. Including our own children. Admittedly, we tell ourselves we do this so we can be better next time. Although the intentions are good the results tend to have the opposite effects. When we are encouraged and supported we tend to do better than when we are shamed and judged.
Let’s experiment, imagine you are to type a letter and in your head you are telling yourself you are not very good at typing, your spelling is pretty bad, too. You are not really sure what to write and when the recipient reads the letter s/he will probably think it is terrible. How motivated are you to write the letter? Do you think you will do your best work? I would venture to say that your work will not be as good as it could be if you were more kind to yourself. This is a vicious circle, berate yourself before an action then shame yourself about your subpar performance.
Let’s try it another way, imagine the same letter. Your mental conversation is more positive this time. You tell yourself you can take your time to type and you have spell check if a word is not spelled correctly. You are excited to share the message and expect the reader is looking forward to receiving your note. Writing the letter is now a more pleasurable task. Imagine all the ways you discourage yourself from being your better self. Imagine all the ways you discourage others.
In our American culture, we have embedded expectations of making lots of money, having big houses, going to fancy schools, weighing a certain amount, always looking young, and on and on. Refraining from expectations in order to enjoy the current moment leads to you being your better self. The neatest thing is that when you are enjoying life, encouraging yourself and others, you will more easily have the life of your dreams. The best part, you will be happy all the way there. If you delay your happiness until you reach your expectations, the happiness is short lived and you are on to your next happiness pursuit.
Maybe today, you will remind yourself you are beautifully human. You, as well as other humans, do better at everything and feel better when encouraged. Release your expectations and rejoice in feeling and doing better.